The Heart of a Young Mother

After several weeks of hard work and extra hectic schedule, I finally had the chance to spend the last 4 weeks with my 2-year old daughter Maria Gwyneth. Being in school, 7 in the morning to 5 in the afternoon, Mondays to Fridays, is already a huge sacrifice (not to mention some Saturdays spent in school) for me as a mother to Gwyn. You see, I took a one year leave just so I could give birth to my baby well and of course to take care of her personally in her first months in this challenging world.

Gwyn was barely 8 months old when I came back to work. You see, my nature of profession and career isn't that easy. I am a high school teacher in a nearby Catholic private institution. What makes it more challenging is that my doting husband Gleen is a teacher too but in a public high school. This would mean mean to say that we only look after Gwyn after school. That is from Mondays to Fridays 5-9 since after that, she's already fast asleep. We could only spend more of our time with her on weekends.

You might think this is just another ordinary anecdote of a young couple. But, I am just so proud to tell the whole world what a lucky woman I am for having Gwyn (credit goes to dadi Gleen too).

Honestly, being a mother has been a difficult and struggling task for me. This, I guess comes from the fact that I got married at a young age though I am not yet emotionally stable. I was raised by my grandma only and that I wasn't able to have a "family" that would exemplify what it is and what should be done "having one" on your own. I was not surrounded by children that even when I was young, I was not asked to go out of our house. And even when I was on my teens, I could not socialize with peers like others do. You see, being raised by a grandma is different by being raised with your real parents, with siblings at that matter. But still, I greatly appreciate what grandma has done to me. After all, I would not be where I am now if not for her hard work. I salute Lola! Though sometimes, I feel a lot of pain and depression because my way of treating Gwyn is sometimes a cause of argument between my husband and I. Maybe because we are still beginners on marriage and parenting or maybe because there is still this misunderstanding of some sort between us. But despite our petty quarrels, I still acknowledge the patience my husband gives. He doesn't know this but actually, in every pain I feel whenever we have petty fights, I just become stronger to face what lies ahead of us especially that I do not have someone else to turn to (if we have petty fights) now that Lola is gone.

Well, Gwyn and Gleen are the most precious possessions I have in life as of the moment. It's as if my marriage was a blessing in disguise. It was when I experience what a joy it really is to be a mother to her and I also feel the joy of a daughter (a feeling I never felt when I was her age) she shows us. This, I really think is an exchange of "firsts' between us.

I’d like to tell the world just how proud I am as the mother of Gwyn. I never thought just how beautiful my baby has grown up to be as of now and I know in the years to come – inside and out. Yes, I’ve always known how she easily capture people’s attention whenever we go to the malls or even in our neighborhood only. But more than just this manifestation, I am proud at how good and smart she is - even at her very young age. She is so sweet and loving. And while she continually shows her playfulness and is sometimes getting hyperactive, and a "maldita" still she manages to be obedient little by little. I hope she continues to be. She does things we ask her to do like getting something or even putting something back to its proper place.

God, I can’t describe the feeling… My heart truly melts as I hear those oh-so-beautiful-words from my daughter… Her words are more than enough to soothe my tired and sometimes broken heart…Her simple " good night mi, good night di, lov you mi, love you di" just make us smile. One thing that is so surprising and note-worthy is that her appreciation to the value formation and discipline tha twe have been trying to instill in her. She knows if something is bad. She would just then say "bad na" or would utter "tama na, tama na". I just can’t imagine how, at her age, had she learned to appreciate that. I think most kids usually don’t.

My daughter never really ceases to amaze me!

I was startled to see my 2 yr-old Gwyn confidently imitating Angel Locsin doing her own version of the pole dancing. Moreover, she can actually turn on and off the television on her own. Another thing that amazes me is her ability to communicate well and act especially in Filipino and a little in English. She loves to sing and dance and do the catwalk (with matching flying kiss and seducing eyes). But what really makes this little girl stand-out is her in-born talent of making people laugh! Yes, I see a natural talent in her. She knows exactly how to make us all laugh. And she actually finds pleasure in doing so. Indeed, I am the number one fan of this little one!

Like other kids, she also has flaws that we cannot just simply ignore. As I've said a while ago, she really is a "maldita". She has this temper of a child we really are trying to understand. I guess this is one of the challenges of having her as a child.

As of now, I just feel so richly blessed having her around. I just pray that as we discover more of her talents and traits, she would grow as a mature and responsible individual. I pray that I can be there for them and guide them as they grow up…

Someday, she will learn to find this blog, and read this. When she does, I want her to know how much she makes me proud and happy as a mother, and just how much she and her dadi Gleen make me feel fulfilled as a person despite some problems that come our way!

A Look in the Mirror

Age 3: Looks at herself and sees a Queen!

Age 8: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty.

Age 15: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Cheerleader or if she is PMS'ing: sees Fat/Pimples/UGLY (Mom I can't go to school looking like this!)

Age 20: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she's going anyway.

Age 30: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going anyway.

Age 40: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but says "At least, I am clean" and goes any way.

Age 50: Looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go.

Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.

Age 70: Looks at herself & sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.

Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.

Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier.

The Best Things in Life

• Falling in love.
• Laughing so hard your face hurts.
• A hot shower.
• No lines at the mall.
• A special glance.
• Getting mail.
• Taking a drive on a scenic road.
• Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
• Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
• Hot towels out of the dryer.
• Finding the shirt you want is on sale for half price.
• Ube ice cream.
• A long distance phone call.
• A bubble bath.
• Giggling.
• A good conversation.
• The beach.
• Finding a bill in your pants.
• Laughing at yourself.
• Internet connection that last for hours.
• Running through sprinklers.
• Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
• Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
• Laughing at an inside joke.
• Friends.
• Falling in love for the first time.
• Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
• Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
• Your first kiss.
• Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
• Playing with a baby.
• Late night talks with your husband.
• Having someone play with your hair.
• Sweet dreams.
• Chocolates.
• Road trips with friends.
• Swinging on swings.
• Watching a good movie cuddled up on a couch with someone you love.
• Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking eggnog or hot chocolate.
• Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.
• Going to a really good concert.
• Making someone smile.
• Making chocolate chip cookies!
• Hugging the person you love.
• Watching the expression someone's face as they open a much-desired present from you.
• Watching the sunrise.
• Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day.

My Heart Speaks @ missglaiza.wordpress.com

Thank you Lord for making me in this entry the second place in the National Schools Press Conference Online Writing Advisers Category. This is such a God-given achievement.

Dealing with Death and Grief

Death for me has no predetermined plan. It hits both young and old. Only God I think knows when and how it would hit us.

I did not have a perfect life. My life was like a bubble that could not be pierced by any happiness. But somehow that bubble I have was carried and taken cared of by my grandparents. (It was only in my mid 20's that my life changed when I got married.) This comfort I have was taken away when a man close to me died. I was actually close to my Lolo way back when I was a child. I always went with him wherever he was. He would always pamper me with everything. That was why I was close to him. I was his favorite.

I was in the third grade when cancer hit him. He was actually admitted in the ICU for a week or so. Medicine could no longer take effect to his worsened bladder stones. My Lola that time did not allow me to be absent from school. I was just accompanied by a close neighbor & family friend. It was a weekend when I was asked to visit him in the hospital. But it was too late already. The moment I woke up, the house was filled with neighbors putting up curtains. No one would even talk to me. Innocent as I was, I even told one person not to put up the white curtains because Lola would not allow it for an ordinary week. It was then that I was told there was nothing to worry about. After an hour or so, many arrived. It was then that Lola called me, hugged me and told me Lolo is gone already. I could not recall if I cried or not. All I knew was at that time, I still could not understand what death is. I was just 8 then.

Years passed and little by little I become knowledgeable already about death. I visited wakes, attended burials, requiem masses and seen death in media. But it was on the 27th of July that I really experienced first hand the death of another loved one-of another person close to me : my Lolex, my Lola. I could still recall what we went through at that time. She was so well over the weekend and in the past days. It was only on Monday night when she felt pain on her stomach. She unceasingly complained of the pain that was why Gleen and I decided to rush her to the hospital. She was given immediate medication to relieve the pain. But the pain would not stop. During those times, it really did not occur to me that that would be her last night with us. Little did I know that when she held my and Gleen's hands, that was it. It already meant something.
Then it hit her. Her bodily system could not resist the pain. I held her hand again and it was as if she was whispering something to me. But sad to say, I could hardly hear her, I could no longer understand what that was. It was too late, in the ambulance bed, she was no longer moving. They had her back to the E.R. I was the last person to follow. Then I saw Gleen crying, it was during that time that I saw several nurses around her. It was only when the doctor told me they would try to revive her that I cried!

I never thought I would experience this at hand. I only saw this scenario on TV soap operas. But that was it! It was the end of a much valuable person! It hurt a lot. "Ma'am, we tried to revive her..there were only 5 beats revived.." Then, the doctor declared, "Time of death....." I went blank. The only thing I knew was Gleen hugged me tightly. We cried together. We were not prepared for this. No one knew that would come unnoticed. Lola died of sepsis.

How I wished I could turn back the hands of time. But in the end, it would still be God who knows. During her wake, we then realized that there were premonitions of Lola's death : we celebrated her 83rd birthday, the house was newly painted, there were some reminders, etc. etc. God! Why would people know such things after? If only we knew it beforehand. Well, this is God's plan to all of us I think.

Lola's death brought the family back together. Relatives came and friends sympathized with us. Uncle Matt was able to come from London and Uncle Meo (who we just contacted with recently after many years of lost communication) and his family came too from Manila.

Death (of someone special) is indeed difficult to handle. But with this sorrowful situation, I come to realize that grief is much difficult to handle. I know because after Lola's burial, we missed her more.

In Memoriam
Albina G. Andrada
1927-2010

Lola, you will forever be in our hearts.

Words of wisdom: I've learned that ......

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.

It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. (Amen to that!)

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it.

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological. (I bet my personal experience to that!!)

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

WHAT DRIVES MY LIFE?

Many believe that each age has its own view of life.

Age can even change the way we feel about our lives. It has its own experiences and ways of living and feeling life. Some would even consider that youth involves an intensity of positive feelings that aged people do not have. Maturity and old age involve new experiences, truths and reflections, opening the way to new values and to a deeper meditation about the meaning of our lives.

I am now in my midst 20's and somehow my own perspective of life has changed through the years. I remember the many ups and downs I have to go through. Broken family. Unwanted feelings of insecurities. Financial incapabilities. Emotional struggles. All of these were things I did gone through in my past.

Decades passed and despite everything I still desired for a big change. A change that would somehow help me view life on a positive note.

On my 25th year, I stand proud and high knowing that this change was realized. A finished degree, a blossoming teaching career, a loving husband, a growing daughter and an ever supportive grandma. What else could I ask for?

I just give praise to the Omnipotent God who through the years has been with us.
To God be the GLORY!