My Heart Speaks April 12, 2011
“Love wins.”
Life as I see it seems to be immeasurable. As I see it, I am bombarded not just with the momentous events I indulge in but also with the stressful dilemmas that came into my life. You see, I am now in my midst 20′s and somehow my own perspective of life has changed through the years. I remember my youth and the feelings that run my life. How could I ever forget that I didn’t have a complete family I can proudly call my own? How could I ever forget the times I blame God about the kind of life he has bestowed me? How could I ever forget the insecurities (of all sorts) I always felt to my peers? How could I ever forget the strength I had to face whatever comes my path despite the misapprehensions in my life?
THE BIRTH OF AN UNWANTED CHILD
I was born out of wed luck and what’s worst is my parents are actually pure blooded cousins! I only knew when I graduated high school. Hatred. Grudge. Pain. I felt every pinch of it. I didn’t have any outlet of my pent up emotions. What made it lighter and easier was my grandmother’s constant summoning and reminding of me of the fact that they are still my parents. It helped that I lived and grew up with her. Being religious was just so easy for her to forgive and forget my parents’ mishaps. Little by little, prayer after prayer, I was able to tell myself to learn to forgive. And so it happened. As I recall it, it was not just with a snap of a finger. It took me more than a year to allow the value of acceptance and clemency in my heart’s system.
A NEW BEGINNING
Years passed and despite everything I went through my only consolation is my utmost dream to make a change. I grew up with a courageous purpose in life. Thank God, I didn’t become a rebel child! Now, life seems to be so special. When I got married, everything fell into its proper place.
THE CALLING
My view of life changed. Much more when I began to work on my chosen career: teaching.I have been teaching for five years already. Somehow, it has become (and i know it will still be) a one heck of an experience. My life experiences not to mention my God-given skills were my weapons in teaching young minds and hearts. At some point, I still stumble. Financial constraints come unnoticed. Much so when the demise of my grandmother happened at the time that I am at my most fulfilled life. Melancholic as it seems but this did not stop me.
THE REALIZATION
What keeps me going is my love for my family. What moves me is my passion to teach. Gone are the insecurities. Gone are the rejections. I am now driven by my courage and strength to continue living my life. I withstand everything. God drives my life now.
I am only longing for God to continually be with me. So when time comes that He will get me, I can proudly say, “Thank you God! I had a wonderful life down there!”
