Death for me has no predetermined plan. It hits both young and old. Only God I think knows when and how it would hit us.
I did not have a perfect life. My life was like a bubble that could not be pierced by any happiness. But somehow that bubble I have was carried and taken cared of by my grandparents. (It was only in my mid 20's that my life changed when I got married.) This comfort I have was taken away when a man close to me died. I was actually close to my Lolo way back when I was a child. I always went with him wherever he was. He would always pamper me with everything. That was why I was close to him. I was his favorite.
I was in the third grade when cancer hit him. He was actually admitted in the ICU for a week or so. Medicine could no longer take effect to his worsened bladder stones. My Lola that time did not allow me to be absent from school. I was just accompanied by a close neighbor & family friend. It was a weekend when I was asked to visit him in the hospital. But it was too late already. The moment I woke up, the house was filled with neighbors putting up curtains. No one would even talk to me. Innocent as I was, I even told one person not to put up the white curtains because Lola would not allow it for an ordinary week. It was then that I was told there was nothing to worry about. After an hour or so, many arrived. It was then that Lola called me, hugged me and told me Lolo is gone already. I could not recall if I cried or not. All I knew was at that time, I still could not understand what death is. I was just 8 then.
Years passed and little by little I become knowledgeable already about death. I visited wakes, attended burials, requiem masses and seen death in media. But it was on the 27th of July that I really experienced first hand the death of another loved one-of another person close to me : my Lolex, my Lola. I could still recall what we went through at that time. She was so well over the weekend and in the past days. It was only on Monday night when she felt pain on her stomach. She unceasingly complained of the pain that was why Gleen and I decided to rush her to the hospital. She was given immediate medication to relieve the pain. But the pain would not stop. During those times, it really did not occur to me that that would be her last night with us. Little did I know that when she held my and Gleen's hands, that was it. It already meant something.
Then it hit her. Her bodily system could not resist the pain. I held her hand again and it was as if she was whispering something to me. But sad to say, I could hardly hear her, I could no longer understand what that was. It was too late, in the ambulance bed, she was no longer moving. They had her back to the E.R. I was the last person to follow. Then I saw Gleen crying, it was during that time that I saw several nurses around her. It was only when the doctor told me they would try to revive her that I cried!
I never thought I would experience this at hand. I only saw this scenario on TV soap operas. But that was it! It was the end of a much valuable person! It hurt a lot. "Ma'am, we tried to revive her..there were only 5 beats revived.." Then, the doctor declared, "Time of death....." I went blank. The only thing I knew was Gleen hugged me tightly. We cried together. We were not prepared for this. No one knew that would come unnoticed. Lola died of sepsis.
How I wished I could turn back the hands of time. But in the end, it would still be God who knows. During her wake, we then realized that there were premonitions of Lola's death : we celebrated her 83rd birthday, the house was newly painted, there were some reminders, etc. etc. God! Why would people know such things after? If only we knew it beforehand. Well, this is God's plan to all of us I think.
Lola's death brought the family back together. Relatives came and friends sympathized with us. Uncle Matt was able to come from London and Uncle Meo (who we just contacted with recently after many years of lost communication) and his family came too from Manila.
Death (of someone special) is indeed difficult to handle. But with this sorrowful situation, I come to realize that grief is much difficult to handle. I know because after Lola's burial, we missed her more.
In Memoriam
Albina G. Andrada
1927-2010
Lola, you will forever be in our hearts.
