Dealing with Death and Grief

Death for me has no predetermined plan. It hits both young and old. Only God I think knows when and how it would hit us.

I did not have a perfect life. My life was like a bubble that could not be pierced by any happiness. But somehow that bubble I have was carried and taken cared of by my grandparents. (It was only in my mid 20's that my life changed when I got married.) This comfort I have was taken away when a man close to me died. I was actually close to my Lolo way back when I was a child. I always went with him wherever he was. He would always pamper me with everything. That was why I was close to him. I was his favorite.

I was in the third grade when cancer hit him. He was actually admitted in the ICU for a week or so. Medicine could no longer take effect to his worsened bladder stones. My Lola that time did not allow me to be absent from school. I was just accompanied by a close neighbor & family friend. It was a weekend when I was asked to visit him in the hospital. But it was too late already. The moment I woke up, the house was filled with neighbors putting up curtains. No one would even talk to me. Innocent as I was, I even told one person not to put up the white curtains because Lola would not allow it for an ordinary week. It was then that I was told there was nothing to worry about. After an hour or so, many arrived. It was then that Lola called me, hugged me and told me Lolo is gone already. I could not recall if I cried or not. All I knew was at that time, I still could not understand what death is. I was just 8 then.

Years passed and little by little I become knowledgeable already about death. I visited wakes, attended burials, requiem masses and seen death in media. But it was on the 27th of July that I really experienced first hand the death of another loved one-of another person close to me : my Lolex, my Lola. I could still recall what we went through at that time. She was so well over the weekend and in the past days. It was only on Monday night when she felt pain on her stomach. She unceasingly complained of the pain that was why Gleen and I decided to rush her to the hospital. She was given immediate medication to relieve the pain. But the pain would not stop. During those times, it really did not occur to me that that would be her last night with us. Little did I know that when she held my and Gleen's hands, that was it. It already meant something.
Then it hit her. Her bodily system could not resist the pain. I held her hand again and it was as if she was whispering something to me. But sad to say, I could hardly hear her, I could no longer understand what that was. It was too late, in the ambulance bed, she was no longer moving. They had her back to the E.R. I was the last person to follow. Then I saw Gleen crying, it was during that time that I saw several nurses around her. It was only when the doctor told me they would try to revive her that I cried!

I never thought I would experience this at hand. I only saw this scenario on TV soap operas. But that was it! It was the end of a much valuable person! It hurt a lot. "Ma'am, we tried to revive her..there were only 5 beats revived.." Then, the doctor declared, "Time of death....." I went blank. The only thing I knew was Gleen hugged me tightly. We cried together. We were not prepared for this. No one knew that would come unnoticed. Lola died of sepsis.

How I wished I could turn back the hands of time. But in the end, it would still be God who knows. During her wake, we then realized that there were premonitions of Lola's death : we celebrated her 83rd birthday, the house was newly painted, there were some reminders, etc. etc. God! Why would people know such things after? If only we knew it beforehand. Well, this is God's plan to all of us I think.

Lola's death brought the family back together. Relatives came and friends sympathized with us. Uncle Matt was able to come from London and Uncle Meo (who we just contacted with recently after many years of lost communication) and his family came too from Manila.

Death (of someone special) is indeed difficult to handle. But with this sorrowful situation, I come to realize that grief is much difficult to handle. I know because after Lola's burial, we missed her more.

In Memoriam
Albina G. Andrada
1927-2010

Lola, you will forever be in our hearts.

Words of wisdom: I've learned that ......

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.

It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. (Amen to that!)

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it.

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological. (I bet my personal experience to that!!)

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

WHAT DRIVES MY LIFE?

Many believe that each age has its own view of life.

Age can even change the way we feel about our lives. It has its own experiences and ways of living and feeling life. Some would even consider that youth involves an intensity of positive feelings that aged people do not have. Maturity and old age involve new experiences, truths and reflections, opening the way to new values and to a deeper meditation about the meaning of our lives.

I am now in my midst 20's and somehow my own perspective of life has changed through the years. I remember the many ups and downs I have to go through. Broken family. Unwanted feelings of insecurities. Financial incapabilities. Emotional struggles. All of these were things I did gone through in my past.

Decades passed and despite everything I still desired for a big change. A change that would somehow help me view life on a positive note.

On my 25th year, I stand proud and high knowing that this change was realized. A finished degree, a blossoming teaching career, a loving husband, a growing daughter and an ever supportive grandma. What else could I ask for?

I just give praise to the Omnipotent God who through the years has been with us.
To God be the GLORY!

back to school flicks

It's the first school day in Holy Cross High for the School Year 2010-2011. We teachers as well as our students are back to school. (but we're still hoping and praying for more to come and enroll) It can be exciting while some (isa nk ani..hehehehe) still find it tiring but we have to start the year right and get moving! whew!!!

I met my 43 students in my advisory class (III- Our Lady of Mercy) earlier this morning. So far, so good. I hope they were able to get the value of the activities we have had. I also met my former students. So far, they were a bit sad of the new section they belong to this school year. New faces, new classmates..But I hope they will get the significance of letting them have new classmates in a section.

Everything is new to all of us from students' heterogenous sectioning to teachers' new load assignments ( not to mention the fact that we have a new administration). We hope to have a good school year this time. Now that we celebrate HCHS 60th Jubilee Year , may all of us especially the students give our best shot. WAY TO GO HOLY CROSSIANS!

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES

Bohol Summer Fun Adventure 2

bohol bee farm

island hopping galore





sagbayan peak



E.A.T. Danao








with the Atti Tribe

more places..more fun..

Bohol Summer Fun Adventure

rio verde river cruising

the famous Baclayon Church

Blood Compact Shrine

photo op @ Trans-Asia Japan view deck

HCHS Faculty and Staff would not end a school year without its annual year end tour. This year, we welcomed BOHOL for fun, adventure, and bonding. We were pampered with all that we expect: from money, food, places, etc. (though it could not be denied that mishaps, troubles and misunderstandings transpired during the tour). "Balik sa Bohol", "balik, balik!"

Shake It Off

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he realized the animal was old and decided the well needed to be covered up anyway. It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to put dirt into the well.

At first the donkey realized what was happening and cried. Then, to every one's amazement he quited down. A few shovel load later, the farmer finally looked down at the well and was astonished at what he saw.

With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to put dirt on the top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped over the edge of the well and trolled off! Instead of being buried inside the well, the donkey was wise enough to make the situation work for its own benefit. It transformed the seemingly sad situation to something that brought freedom and joy and a new chance at life.

Life is going to put dirt on us: different kinds of dirt-FAILURES, BETRAYALS, FRUSTRATIONS, BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS. The trick to getting out of the well is to SHAKE IT OFF and TAKE A STEP UP. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by NOT STOPPING, NEVER GIVING UP and BEING WISE enough to make seemingly bad situations to work great for our own good.

SHAKE IT OFF AND TAKE A STEP UP!